Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I will be naked everywhere
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
