I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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