You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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