wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
