While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
