she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
