break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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