Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
