there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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