I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
