Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
