I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
