Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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