i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
