I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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