At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i barfeds in our rink
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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