Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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