my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
