We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
