hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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