Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
