hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
