Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
