Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
