I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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