just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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