I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
