Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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