girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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