obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
