You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
