guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
