Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
