My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
