omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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