I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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