He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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