Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
