why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
