A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
