I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
