Got a toothbrush?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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