I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
