And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
