Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize