So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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