I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
