The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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