hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
