I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
