I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need moral support for this bender
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
