you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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