No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
