I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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