my sisters under your porch take her home
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
