i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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