I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
