If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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