We're like a lot better than the average bears
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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