Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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