Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
