How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
