I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
