You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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