btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
