I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
