Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
