Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
