I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
