I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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