Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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