one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
