if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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